Imagine Dragons Parody: “It’s Time (to Grade It)”

I should preface this by saying that this is not meant to be representative of me, how I grade, or how I think of student writing . . . but some of it is how I think about parts of grading, and certainly part of the greater myth of grading. Enjoy.

To the tune of “It’s Time”

So this is what you meant
When you stated your intent
And now you need a thesis to make sure that you say it
Or anything
Whatever
Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check

I don’t ever want to mark you down
I don’t want to ask “where is your noun?”
‘Cause after all
You know I never sleep at night

It’s time to begin, to grade it
I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit
I always grade on my gut
But you should understand
I’m pretty sure I give a damn

Not going very well
And I am left to quell
Generalisms that run through miles of clouded hell
Right to the top
Of this stack
Turning to booze and giving legibility a rain check

I don’t ever want to mark you down
I don’t want to ask “where is your noun?”
‘Cause after all
You know I never sleep at night

It’s time to begin, to grade it
I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit
I always grade on my gut
But you should understand
I’m pretty sure I give a damn

It’s time to begin, to grade it
I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit
I always grade on my gut
But you should understand
I’m pretty sure I give a damn

I’m a grown-up in name only
My coffee runs out so slowly
It splashes, it splashes

It’s time to begin, to grade it
I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit
I always grade on my gut
But you should understand
I’m pretty sure I give a damn

It’s time to begin, to grade it
I get my red pen and rubric, but then I’ll admit
I always grade on my gut
But you should understand
I’m pretty sure I give a damn